What on earth are Aretha Franklin and Kelly Clarkson crooning about? They want a little respect when they get home? What does that have to do with love or relationships? Well, sometimes the divas get it right because respect matters to just about EVERYTHING!!

Are you looking for a relationship that will last? Do you want to be adored, admired, respected? Most of us do! Getting that kind of response from another person requires that we be worthy of such respect and admiration, does it not? So here is the million dollar question,

“How do we become worthy of respect?”

Let’s throw a little quiz your way, think about who you would respect more:

You may be thinking about someone specific as you read this list…or maybe about yourself. Are you always living up to the person that would be more worthy of respect? Maybe not, but now you’re at least thinking about it! We all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from those mistakes and let them shape you into a better person in the end.

Respect is one of the most necessary components in ANY healthy relationship, whether it be a friendship, someone you’re dating, or a long-term relationship such as marriage. Trust is another major factor. Go back over that list. Who would you trust more? Couldn’t you give yourself more completely and freely to a person that you admire, trust and respect? Of course you could!

In the case of marriage, you want to know that your spouse is going to be there for you through thick and thin! You may be young now, but chances are pretty high that you’ll want to be married someday. You’re not alone! Most teens when polled in recent surveys respond that they want to be married in the future.

The news flash here is that how you conduct yourself before you’ve ever even met your spouse is VERY important! Having a sexual relationship outside of marriage is a thief. It craftily sneaks in and steals your ability to respect and trust, your partner AND yourself. All too often you don’t even know it happened. You wonder why you’re becoming so possessive, so unbelieving when your boyfriend or girlfriend says they were at the library, or so unconcerned with meeting some of their expectations (like showing up on time).

You see, you very conceivably could have a sexual relationship and not get pregnant…and you may not contract any STDs…but you are a very rare person if you are able to escape the respect-trust factor!!

It goes like this:
Two people care about each other, they are physically attracted…they eagerly anticipate being together and are now looking extremely forward to some intimacy. They excitedly take the relationship to a sexual level. Both parties later recognize that the other person chose to give them something of themselves…something they don’t share with just anyone…or DO THEY?

Each person’s mind will process the relationship differently.

Some possibilities:
“Has he/she been with other people before? Who? When? Will they leave me to go back to that person? Was sex with them “better” than it was with me? Were they thinking about that other person when they were with me?”

Or

“Wow! I was that person’s “first”! I wonder why they chose me to give their virginity to? Am I someone special or are they looking for something to brag about? Now that they’ve had sex with me are they going to give in to other people who’ve been interested in them?”

Or

“That was cool, can’t believe how easy it was to get something from them. I hope they’re not going to be expecting more of a relationship now…that’s not what I’m about right now. Besides, I got what I wanted and I see plenty other fish in this here ocean…time to move on.”

You get the picture. Do you see how in each case there is a loss of trust and/or respect? It’s not like the other person comes out and says or realizes, “Hey, they had sex with me and now I don’t respect them like I used to. And wow, I don’t really trust them anymore either!” Nope, usually they don’t have any idea why they are feeling or behaving differently. The patterns that people fall into here can be destructive. When someone gets hurt time after time, they tend to put up a wall of distrust. That is the protective mechanism people use to keep them from getting hurt again…but those walls only serve to block people from living life freely. Those walls may blind them from noticing the potentially healthy relationships, you know, the actual “Mr. or Miss Right”!

Worse yet, when you don’t have a good level of respect for yourself (realized or unrealized) you don’t make the best or healthiest choices. You may struggle and strain, but yet not put an end to a bad relationship. You may fall into one bad relationship after another.

Becoming worthy of respect means acting in a manner that protects others. It means not selfishly seeking your own desires. It means caring for another person to the point of letting go of what you want in order to pave the way for their health or well-being. In a dating relationship, the very best way to maintain respect is to realize that this person ultimately will belong to SOMEBODY. That somebody may or may not be you! Regardless, they are not “yours” just yet. You have the ability to steal valuables from them or protect what they have so that it can one day be given to it’s rightful owner…INTACT!

In simpler terms: By NOT engaging in sexual acts with the guys/girls you date, you are saying to them, “I care deeply about you. I care about both of our futures. I would rather not give into the passion I feel for you now, so that each of us could experience it even more with the people we’ll marry someday!” It’s not corny, it’s simply real life.

You decide who you’re going to be!

For help with moving on from a destructive or disrespectful relationship, see our section called, “Been there, done that, now what?” You can get some practical ideas about how to end the cycle and how to conduct yourself inside a newer, better relationship based on those valuable traits of respect and trust!!